absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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