I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
