i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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