i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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