Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
