Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
