if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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