Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
