I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
