If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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