whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize