Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
