Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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