I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
