just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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