Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
