the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
