farters have to be the big spoon...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
