Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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