im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
soo... how was my night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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