Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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