I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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