Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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