My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
