You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i think i just lost a toe
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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