if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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