i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize