What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
