im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
