those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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