I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
