my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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