Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
