I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
sarcasm needs its own font
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
