worst night to have a conscience
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
