as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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