Can i not drive my cunt home
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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