She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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