I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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