The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize