ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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