it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
