i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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