i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
