Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
