i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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