i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
