Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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