You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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