Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
