He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
