I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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