I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
