My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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