Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
