In the future we'll all be gay
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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