Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
