Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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