just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
