last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
