Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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