I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
