high people should be assigned attendants
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
