dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
