Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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