then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
