Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
