She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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