Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
