Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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