I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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