i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
