Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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