I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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