i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
