The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
