I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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