I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
