i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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