If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Pants are for mortals
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
