I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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