So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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