More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
