he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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