Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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