Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
