Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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