You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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