lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
