too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
