You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
