Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
