How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
