Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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